Seeking Perfection

It was the perfect day.

It was the perfect moment.

It was the perfect opportunity.

Perfect for what?


Marjorie stood silently as she peered from her corner bedroom window. Dark threatening clouds were rolling in and blotting out the sunlight. The rumble of thunder resonated from a distance and an occasional flash alerted the coming storm. She smiled.

Across the street a young boy pedaled feverishly as he steered his bicycle into his yard and jumped off without stopping. The bike crashed against the picket fence as the boy ran up the steps and rushed into the house for safety.

Fallen leaves danced in circles along the street as a wind devil carried them in its powerful embrace. A lost page from a newspaper climbed into the sky like a kite and then floated back to the ground. The storm ever neared as Marjorie absorbed the moment and decided it was perfect.

Again I ask, perfect for what?

Marjorie was a forty something who had experienced little distress in her lifetime. A normal childhood by most observations, but the seed of illness had made her unsure of herself and destined for failure. In spite of her sometime despair however, the kiss of success had caressed her and she had become much more than expected.

A wife, mother, teacher and businesswoman, Marjorie had many titles and had prospered in all. It often seemed possible as the saying goes, “You can accomplish any goal you set your mind to.” But she knew that accomplishing her goals were impossible.

How can you begin again, start your life over with new parents and a new birthright. How can you overcome the doubt which had been instilled since birth, in spite of her family’s attempts to get her help? Marjorie had been successful for a number of years to set aside her weaknesses, but with age they were slowly creeping back and consuming her.

The mind can be a terrible place, a place for disease to fester and take away one’s resolve, a disease born from abuse and neglect. Marjorie suffered from bouts of depression and often disappeared from the world which looked at her every move and criticized her thoughts.

When she began to withdraw and remove herself from convention, she was first described as quaint by her friends. Later on, those who knew her least called her a recluse and a crazy. Those who have never suffered with this ailment or such an apprehension can be cruel. Paralysis caused by internal fear is very real.

Depression is defined as a psychiatric disorder showing symptoms such as persistent feelings of hopelessness, dejection, poor concentration, lack of energy, inability to sleep, and, sometimes, suicidal tendencies. To Marjorie it is simply the end of the road.

The lightening flashed and the crack of thunder shook the windowpanes. Rain began to fall hard and wind blew the drops of water against the house. Marjorie glanced at the clock and decided again, it was time, this was the perfect time.

For Marjorie, death was the way to begin anew. Her hope had been shattered by time and untreated disease. There would be no better days ahead for her for she had an impaired vision of the future.

I knew Marjorie as kind and sweet, smart and talented. To me she was to be singled out as an example to be emulated by her young followers. Her masking abilities convinced her acquaintances that she was perfect. She was a perfect success, a perfect example of a perfect life.

So once more, what is perfect? Is it a truth which we can rely on or just a falsehood of our own making to give us hope? And when we fail to reach that desired goal, are we failures for not achieving more?

Of course not. We succeed by trying our best and living to help others. Our internal goals direct us but are not our measure. We are measured by who we are and not what we have achieved, by the work we have done not the fortune we amassed. We strive to be the best we can be, knowing we will not be perfect.

But for Marjorie, she reached for her perception of perfection, and when she could not achieve it, she lost hope.

Then came the perfect day.

The perfect moment.

The perfect opportunity, and she reached for perfection one last time.

Forgive those who fall short and help those who are paralyzed in thought. They may be your friend.