I Have A Big Problem

There are things in life that we tolerate rather than do anything about because it is much easier than to try to change them. I have had to face that fact recently. You see, I have a big problem. I am too big to get into my pants and have had to buy larger ones.
The simple solution, of course, is to lose the extra weight. I say simple because it is simple to say. It is much easier to know the solution than it is to enact a plan to lose weight. I try to watch the food I eat and make sure I eat nutritiously, but I deserve better. A piece of Key Lime pie occasionally shouldn’t be a crime.
I started an exercise regimen and did well, but I have certain requirements when it comes to exercising. If it is too hot or too cold, I just cannot be expected to workout. Also, I can’t risk riding a bicycle and running is too strenuous, so I limit my time to walking. Thirty minutes a day, inside my house with the A/C running faster than I am walking.
I seem to do better if there is something good on TV. You can’t have a good walk while watching soap operas or the news. I have found CSI reruns make for a quick walk. One show was so good that I walked for almost the entire hour.
I went to a fitness center for a while, but to see the old people like me trying to kill themselves was so depressing. Many of the senior citizens were successful, may they rest in peace. But most were of the same opinion as me and decided it was better to watch exercise videos at home.
I have a friend who loves working out. She walks, runs, rides bikes and climbs... whatever, and I say more power to her. Her latest venture was a family team marathon. I haven’t heard if they all lived through the experience, but my prayers went with her. I slept in that Saturday and later took my wife to the local Italian restaurant where we both had too much to eat.
If fat weren’t such a friendly thing it would be easier to get rid of. You can always count on your friend to go with you wherever you go. And when I’m feeling lonely, my friend snuggles up close to embrace me. There is no question whether it will still be with me tomorrow, because our relationship just keeps growing.
I like to think of myself as a sometimes funny guy. Most people don’t agree, but my fat friend is my best supporter. Every time I say something which I think is funny, my friend supports me. As I laugh, my fat shakes and applauds by shaking like a lush bowl of Jell-O. Why would I ever want to lose a friend so supportive?
I read a report where scientist estimate fifty-percent of American’s are overweight and thirty percent are obese. For those who are slim and trim, they are quickly becoming the minority. I grew up in a time when it was patriotic to eat everything on our plates and where tossing out leftovers was taking food out of the mouths of poor people in some less fortunate country. So, I guess, in my own way, I’m being a loyal American by eating more than I should.
I realize that I won’t be able to keep this up much longer, but I hate to surrender the one thing which I can still do successfully. I can no longer work a full-time job and my physical strength doesn’t allow me to do the things I did when I was young, so eating and gaining weight provide me with a creative outlet.
Well, I guess I have exercised the fat between my ears long enough for tonight. I’ll go check the scales later, but I can assure you that I haven’t lost weight while typing this blog. I am more than a little disappointed, and the worst of it is that the only flavor of Blue Bell ice cream we have in the house is vanilla.